Parry 'just made up the numbers'

Reading between the lines of a BBC article, and taking the headline far too literally, it would appear that Wales manager John Toshack had to ask Paul Parry to leave the Wales squad on Sunday night for fabricating the ages of fellow squad members.

Having no idea what the players' real ages were, the 28-year old made them up in an attempt to look like a big man. It is rumoured that he referred to Arsenal starlet Aaron Ramsey as 'the three year-old with the weak left foot', in reference to Parry's own strength on that particular side of his relatively middle-aged body, and ridiculed Saturday's matchwinner Sam Vokes by calling him 'a twelve-year old boy with size 18 shoes' - apparently unaware of how close he was to the truth (Vokes is in fact 18 and has size 12 feet).

Toshack said, 'It's a shame that Paul has so little knowledge of his fellow team-mates that he doesn't know their ages. We're supposed to be a group, you know. I mean I know for a fact that I'm 59 but Paul said I was 73. It's unacceptable behaviour from a Welsh international to make these sorts of figures up. I had a quiet word with him, away from the toddlers so as not to upset them, and we both decided that he would leave the squad.'

Parry has got previous making up the numbers, most notably in his Maths GCSE and again when his friends had a spare place going on a package holiday to Majorca in 2001.

[This post is pure fiction and bears no resemblance to 'the truth'.]